joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
[personal profile] joeymichaels
OK, so read this for information on this project.

This title comes courtesy of [ profile] beeker121.

Everyone, please suggest titles for the next writing thing in the comments.


The Wrong Monkey

"Whose the perp?"

"His name is Monkey Balestrero. A lady at the insurance office ID'd him as the guy who held the place up last month."

"That's kind of a slim thread to sew up a case with, Jenkins. You know all these monkeys look alike."


"It's true, Jenkins. If you've seen one monkey, you've seen them all."

"Keep your mouth shut about that around Balestrero and his lawyer. We don't want the case to get throw out because of your mouth."

"Ah, some soft hearted judge is just going to let him off anyways."

"O'Malley! You don't want the Sergeant busting your hump back down to traffic duty."

"Fine, fine, I'll keep my mouth shut. God damn monkeys."

"Let's get this started. I'll ask the questions."

"Fine. After you."

"Good Morning, Mr. Balestrero. You must be his lawyer?"

"Jim Goodall, Attorney at Law."

"Mr. Goodall."

"Detective Jenkins. Detective O'Malley."

"Oh, you know us?"

"Everyone down at Guenon, Macaque, Tamarin and Goodall knows Officer O'Malley. He's notorious."

"Why I aughta..."

"Calm down, O'Malley. Look, Goodall, we want this to be a clean interrogation. I'll not stand for any mmm.... mmmmm.... mmu... mmm..."

"What? Monkey business?"

"Funny business."

"Sure. You've out me off my game now."

"Take a deep breath."

"All right, look, Mr. Balestrero we have a witness that ID'd you as the one who robbed the insurance agency. What do you say to that?"

"Eeeeee eeeee eeeee AH AH AH AH AH."

"What did he say, Goodall?"

"No idea. He's a monkey."


"Look, Officer Jenkins, you got no case. One witness doesn't prove anything."

"Well, there's also this sign. The perp drew a sign with a sharpie that said 'This is a stick up.' I had O'Malley here ask Mr. Balestrero to draw our a similar sign and the handwriting is a perfect match. Show him what you showed me, O'Malley."

"Oh this is pretty incriminating... wait a minute? What are you trying to pull on me? Look, this is a xerox of the original sign. There's a thumb in the corner!"

"O'Malley! That's your thumb!"

"Jenkins, this monkey is our man. I just know it."

"You can't be falsifying evidence though O'Malley! Where's the real sign Mr. Balestrero made?"


"Why, this is just a long squiggly line. How can that be?"

"He's a monkey, Officer Jenkins."

"Shut up, Goodall."

"You can tell me to shut up all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you got the wrong monkey."

"Goddamn it, O'Malley, he's right. Uncuff Him."

"Eeee eee ah ah"

"Yeah yeah, ee ee ah ah to you too pal."

"Good day, Officers. I'll see myself out."

"Damnit Jenkins, we could have had him."

"You blew this case for us O'Malley. The Sergeant will have you badge for this."

"I just knew he was the one. I just knew it."

"Wait I have a call. Hello? What? He did? Well thanks. That was the Sergeant, O'Malley. A red assed baboon just confessed to the robbery."


"Damnit O'Malley, Balestrero didn't have a red ass. Couldn't you have checked his ass?"

"I didn't think..."

"That's right. You didn't think."

Date: 2015-11-19 08:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
"Couldn't you have checked his ass?" had me crying with laughter. Wise words I shall always live by.

Date: 2015-11-20 01:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Checking the ass is always the right move.


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Joey Michaels

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