joeymichaels: (Default)
2017-04-10 12:45 pm

Now on Dreamwidth...

Making the big move to Dreamwidth with the rest of the LJ world. Sorry to leave LiveJournal after all these years, but not sorry to be leaving it behind after the recent rules change.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2017-03-15 01:12 am

ComplaintJournal

Honest to dog, can't the people in my local theatre community just act like adults every now and again?

The answer to this is, of course, no they cannot.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2017-01-19 10:44 pm

I May Not Live To See Our Glory

So, yeah, I'm 49 and it sort of bums me out that I'll probably spend the test of my life fighting to get the country back into as good a shape as it is right now.

Well, cry havoc friends!
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-10-31 10:21 am

Play LJ Idol Season 10 Whydontcha

Season 10 Sign Up Sheet is live. I've had a great time playing LJI (during the three seasons I played it) - I met some great people and wrote a bunch of things I'm really mildly proud of. I encourage you to consider joining. I think you'll have a blast.

Yes, I mean you.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-10-14 01:19 pm

Ten Year Olds, Dude

“I’ll be dating her in 10 years. Can you believe it?”

Some of you might remember my formula for calculating appropriate ages a person can date without meeting societal disapproval. Basically, take your own age,divided it in half and add 7. For example, I'm 48 so the youngest person I can date without ooging people out is 31. I think that's reasonable. Yeah Yeah age is just a number, but age difference can suggest power difference and a big power difference isn't always healthy in a romantic relationship.

Anyhow, so Trump is 70. Were he to be single again, I'd expect him to stuck to women 42 years and up.

When I first started teaching high school, I was 27 (lowest age range: 21). I had some male friends who said gross things like "oh you get to hand around wuth all those hot teenage girls." I was all like "what the fuck?"

The first year I was teaching, I had to chaperone the prom. One of the 18 year old women (lowest age for date: 16; highest age: 22) arrived with her 30 year old boyfriend (low: 22, high 46). He was older than me and wanted to sit with the chaperones, not his girlfriend's friends. Sorry, dude, you date a teenager, you have to hang out with teenagers.

I get being attracted to youth especially as I get older but i don't get why you'd want to date somebody that had almost no shared life experiences - and almost no experience at life. This if what that formula is partially about - the range of people you can date expands as you get older and theta greater odds of shared life experience and shared power levels.

I know every relationship is different and maybe there's some March/December romances out there that work perfectly well. The thought of a 50+ year old man bragging about dating a ten year old when she ages up to 20, however, squicks me out.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-10-03 02:23 pm

Keeping Up With The Joneses My Preciouses

I've not been keeping up my end of the Livejournal bargain. Sorry about that all y'all.

Things have been going fairly well in Joey-land this last year. I've lost 50 pounds (Wut?) and seem to be doing better managing my diet and exercise. Sometimes I feel less depressed and sometimes I don't know if I actually feel less depressed or if I just feel less out of shape. Hard to judge.

I have like three ideas.

One - There's this book I've wanted to write for like two years but I can't get myself started on it.

Two - I have this idea for a theatre production based on the music of The Decemberists. I recently shared this idea elsewhere. I don't think I need to be the one to make it happen, but somebody should.

Three - I have this tremendous idea for a time travel story, but I need an excuse to write it. GIVE ME THAT EXCUSE.

That is all.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-08-24 11:34 am

No Boat

I survived the ferry ride in Vancouver last June but apparently lost the ability to remember about my Livejournal in all that time. The good news is I've lost nearly 50 pounds since January. Diabetes: Gets the job done.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-06-21 10:00 pm

Boat

I am writing this on a ferry from Victoria to Vancouver. The modern world is amazing.
joeymichaels: (Joey and Kitty)
2016-06-18 01:17 pm

Attention!

received_733568586783132.jpeg

The Moose is enjoying the cat sitter! This is photographic evidence of him being friendly and engaged with a non-Michaels human.

That is all.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-06-17 03:48 pm

And We're Back...

My adventure participating in the last mini-season of [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol as [livejournal.com profile] prog_schlock has drawn to a conclusion. I'm now returning here to write about cats and to swear occasionally. How are you all doing?
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-06-02 09:46 pm

Check This Shit Out, Dudes

This week at [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol, there's just five of us left - and one person had a bye, so only four of us wrote. And one of toast four has immunity so the vote comes down to three of us. And all four entries are really good so i don't know how you'd even choose which to vote for.

Anyhow, go here and follow the links at the poll to read this week's entries. I'm competing as [livejournal.com profile] prog_schlock but seriously all the entries are yup notch.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-05-09 11:55 am

Plug for This Week's [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Poll

Hey, yo, you can go vote for this week's entries here, but I want to suggest you do yourself a favor and read this great entry by [livejournal.com profile] kickthehobbit whether you vote or not. Its a great piece of science fiction and worth reading.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-04-29 01:17 pm

This Week is Alternate ID Land

Check out my entries for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol this week.

This one is about Hair Metal and how getting stuck in one period of your life is a sad thing.

This one features tons of photos of my cats.

I'll post the link to the poll as soon as the poll happens so you can read the other entries this week.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-04-25 10:38 am

Read Some Stuff

Hey, so, I'm competing in Mini-Season 9 of [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol under the name [livejournal.com profile] prog_schlock. There's only 15 people left and there's some great stuff to read. I wrote about the impact Prince's music has had on my life.

If you have some time, please check out the entries this week and vote for the ones you like! And if you leave a comment for the entries you enjoy, all the better.

Just FYI - Voting is a little different this week - all of the members of the team with the highest average move on to Week #20.

Thank you for still using LiveJournal and for checking out this weeks entries!
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-04-18 10:37 pm

FYI

So, I just announced this in the [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol's work room, but I've been competing this whole season under the name [livejournal.com profile] prog_schlock.

This has been a terrific mini-season and there are 14 really talented writers (and also me) still left in the game.  We're just starting a new week and I'll post here when the next set of entries are up so you can read them if you wish.  This last week was stellar. 
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-04-15 02:08 pm

LJ Idol - Mini-Season 9 - "Ethics of human cloning"

This is apparently a mini-season of [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol. This means there must be a full sized season 9 out there! In the meantime, look at the adorable mini-season! So cute!

I never finished this.

---

Memo Random

Memo
To:        Duplication Services

From:    Office of The President, Klymaxx Industries

Date:     October 24, 2043

Re:        Discontinuation of Cloning Project

The purpose of this memorandum is to respond to the ethical concerns you raised regarding the cloning program.

  • In regards to your concerns about organ harvesting from living beings, Duplication Services itself reported that newly created adult human clones have the mental capacity of a foetus.  Since they lack even the most rudimentary awareness of their own existence and would require "as many years to acquire intellectual and social skills as a regular human-born human," the clones in our office's view should not be categorized as people but as "potential people" or "potential parts for other people."  We encourage you to think of them as raw material and not as the product itself.  We believe this will make you feel better about slaughtering them and processing their organs for donation.

  • Duplication Services details how certain religious members of our community object to the cloning project for fear that embryos will be harmed.  We suggest that it be made clear to these community members that we are only dismantling adult humans and not embryos.  Since they tend to stop caring about the embryos once they're out in the world, this should make them back off.

  • Many of these same religious community members have concerns about us "playing God."

joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-04-05 11:05 am

LJ Idol - Season 9ish - Home Game "Cardboard"

I've been keeping an eye on Season 9 of [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol for the past few months and every now and again, there's a topic that I feel a need to write about. This is one such week.

---

Thumpety Thump Thump

Winter was over. All that was left of the snowman was an old silk hat. Millie held it in her hands and pondered the cycle of life. The snowman hadn't seemed to mind melting away. He laughed and played until his snow-skin was the complexion of a strip mall parking lot. The last sound he'd made before completely melting away was a cross between a laugh and a gurgle. Millie already knew she'd have nightmares about that sound for the rest of spring.

Millie turned the hat over and around in her hands. This was the first time since she'd placed it on the snowman's head that she'd handled it. It had blown into her yard as if from heaven. Nobody wore silk hats anymore! Remembering the Frosty song, she'd promptly placed it on her snowman's head and the next thing she knew she had a new friend. She felt a little like Elsa from Frozen.

She pondered what she should do with the hat. Obviously it wasn't a normal hat. The snowman didn't have a clue as to how the hat had brought him to life. Or he claimed not to have a clue. Millie suspected he knew more than he let on. You don't just go from being an inanimate object to being a goofy living creature in an instant. She figured the personality of her snowman probably lived in the hat.

For a moment, she pondered putting the hat on her head just to see what would happen. As she slowly lowered it towards her head, she thought she heard voices - maybe thousands of voices. Happy, angry, pleasant, evil all echoing in her brain, pleading for her to just put the hat on for one moment. She quickly moved it away from her head. Millie might have only been 8, but she could recognize a terrible idea on her own.

Millie decided she'd better put the hat somewhere where nobody else might accidentally put it on. She headed down to the basement. That's where she found the boxes.

Her mom had just had a new washer and dryer delivered to the house. After the workers had installed them, they left several large cardboard boxes sitting next to them.

"I shall build a cardboard robot and put the hat on that!" Millie decided.

She figured (correctly) that cardboard was at least as harmless as snow (perhaps more so - snow could be pretty thick and dangerous) so she used scissors, markers and tape to make a cardboard creature with short little legs and arms (so it could move fast or reach anybody) and a big, goofy triangle shaped head - perfect for wearing a hat.

Millie placed the hat carefully on her creation's head.

"Merry Christmas," shouted the robot, "Millie! I'm back! I'm... uh... is this cardboard?"

"Yes! Now we can play all the time and you don't have to worry about melting!"

"You're so clever! Say, you did such a good job making this body out of cardboard! What do you say about building something out of wood... or maybe metal..."

Millie smiled.

"Sorry! I don't know how to work those materials."

"Clay? Maybe mud or dirt? Like a golem... Not the Lord of the Rings character, I mean... uh..."

"Cardboard is perfect. Here, look at your face!"

Millie held up a mirror to the hat-thing and showed him his big, goofy face.

"Oh, gee, that's just swell. I... uh... Hey, maybe its time you told your mom about me! I know I told you not to tell adults... but maybe she'd like a nice hat... I mean..."

"Great idea!" Millie said, snatching the hat off the robot's head.

When Millie's mom came home from work, the first thing she said was "Millie, its 68 degrees outside. Why did you start a fire in the fireplace?"

"I was cold," she shrugged.

"Well don't add anymore wood to it. Let it burn out."

"Mom, if a hat had a bunch of souls trapped in it, would burning it to ash be considered murder?"

"Don't be silly, dear. Hats don't have souls."

Millie nodded. She'd been careful to put the hat into the flames top end down so she didn't accidentally create some sort of fire monster but she swore she'd heard screams coming from it as the flames consumed it.

She sighed. She knew that was another thing she'd have nightmares about all spring.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2016-02-12 02:48 pm

LJ Idol Season, Uh, 9 I think? Home Game

I just swung by [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol and looked at the topics and thought, hey, there's one here that makes me think of a story and I have thirty free minutes! Let's create a home game entry! This is a home game entry!

---

Funk to Funky

The ash started falling over the city near dusk. At first, they thought it was snow and felt relieved. It had been a dry winter and there was concern that the reservoir wouldn't fill.

As they exited their office building and houses, they smelled the dry air and felt the warmth of the tiny flakes. Ash, no question, ash. The city fire departments started calling each other trying to determine where the fire might be. When that yielded no clues, they started calling fire departments in other towns. Then they checked the news. Ash was falling all over the world and nobody could quite figure out where it was coming from or why.

The people of he city (and the people everywhere, for that matter) were disconcerted about this. The talking heads of FOX and CNN assured everyone that it would stop (and one station explained how it was Obama's fault) soon because, obviously, if it was falling across the whole world, surely we'd locate its source and deal with it swiftly. They went to bed reassured.

It was still snowing ash the next morning.

There was at least a foot of ash covering everything and the storm had picked up since the previous night. Where tiny flakes had been falling gently before, half inch long flakes that looked like they'd sloughed off somebody's body were falling now. Doors that opened outward had to be forced open so that people could get out of their houses to sweep their porches - or just so they could get out. All the roads were blocked. The snowplows were useless - the wind just blew the light ash back into the road. Traffic was paralyzed. Planes were grounded.

On the morning news, there were two dominant theories regarding the Ash Crisis 2016. One school of thought believed that Earth was passing through a lengths belt of small asteroids that were burning up on entry and scattering themselves around the world. There was some observational evidence to support this, though scientists were at a loss to explain why all our satellites hadn't been knocked from the sky. The other school of thought was that God was punishing us and we were all going to die in fire.

By midday, the small flakes had turned to pebbles. By 5 in the afternoon, the pebbles had turned into golf-ball sized rocks. And the piles of ash and stone were getting higher and higher.

Panic set in by dusk. The piles of ash and rock were nearly four feet tall all around the world by this time. Many flat-roofed building had collapsed under the weight. Windows were being shattered across the globe. The death toll was mounting, but it was impossible to get a sense of just how many people had died. In many places, electricity and phone service went out. People were trapped in their homes - or offices, or wheresoever they'd been when the ash had blocked their doors shut.

By midnight, all but the tallest buildings were buried. By the next morning, it was silent everywhere across the world. Humanity - indeed every living creature, both animal and plant - were buried under hundreds of feet of ash and rock, sealed away for ever.

---

"How does that feel," said Mars.

"I think that took care of them. Jeez, I thought I'd be infested forever. Thank you so much!" said Earth.

"No problem. Let me know in 10,000 years or so if those parasites come back," said Mars.
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2015-11-19 03:16 pm

Back to LJ Writing Project Thing - Mission Possible - Vote

OK, so read this for information on this project.

[livejournal.com profile] comedychick suggests the title "Mission Possible." Here are my proposals. Vote on the one you'd most like to read.

I. Mission Possible - Mundane Adventure

Two people go on the most mundane, least spy-like adventure ever. Told entirely like its a breathlessly exciting adventure.

II. Mission Possible - Speculative Fiction

Out on a distant planet, a religious organization has built a fort and prepares to convert the native sentient lifeforms. Most of which are deadly creatures.

III. Mission Possible - Celebrity Fiction

Before he died, Peter Graves had some very important advice for Tom Cruise.

[Poll #2028424]

Also, hey, you know what? You can still sign up for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol!
joeymichaels: (Basic Joey)
2015-11-18 01:54 pm

Back to LJ Writing Project Thing - The Wrong Monkey - Detective Drama

OK, so read this for information on this project.

This title comes courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] beeker121.

Everyone, please suggest titles for the next writing thing in the comments.

---

The Wrong Monkey

"Whose the perp?"

"His name is Monkey Balestrero. A lady at the insurance office ID'd him as the guy who held the place up last month."

"That's kind of a slim thread to sew up a case with, Jenkins. You know all these monkeys look alike."

"O'Malley!"

"It's true, Jenkins. If you've seen one monkey, you've seen them all."

"Keep your mouth shut about that around Balestrero and his lawyer. We don't want the case to get throw out because of your mouth."

"Ah, some soft hearted judge is just going to let him off anyways."

"O'Malley! You don't want the Sergeant busting your hump back down to traffic duty."

"Fine, fine, I'll keep my mouth shut. God damn monkeys."

"Let's get this started. I'll ask the questions."

"Fine. After you."

"Good Morning, Mr. Balestrero. You must be his lawyer?"

"Jim Goodall, Attorney at Law."

"Mr. Goodall."

"Detective Jenkins. Detective O'Malley."

"Oh, you know us?"

"Everyone down at Guenon, Macaque, Tamarin and Goodall knows Officer O'Malley. He's notorious."

"Why I aughta..."

"Calm down, O'Malley. Look, Goodall, we want this to be a clean interrogation. I'll not stand for any mmm.... mmmmm.... mmu... mmm..."

"What? Monkey business?"

"Funny business."

"Sure. You've out me off my game now."

"Take a deep breath."

"All right, look, Mr. Balestrero we have a witness that ID'd you as the one who robbed the insurance agency. What do you say to that?"

"Eeeeee eeeee eeeee AH AH AH AH AH."

"What did he say, Goodall?"

"No idea. He's a monkey."

"Damnit."

"Look, Officer Jenkins, you got no case. One witness doesn't prove anything."

"Well, there's also this sign. The perp drew a sign with a sharpie that said 'This is a stick up.' I had O'Malley here ask Mr. Balestrero to draw our a similar sign and the handwriting is a perfect match. Show him what you showed me, O'Malley."

"Oh this is pretty incriminating... wait a minute? What are you trying to pull on me? Look, this is a xerox of the original sign. There's a thumb in the corner!"

"O'Malley! That's your thumb!"

"Jenkins, this monkey is our man. I just know it."

"You can't be falsifying evidence though O'Malley! Where's the real sign Mr. Balestrero made?"

"Here?"

"Why, this is just a long squiggly line. How can that be?"

"He's a monkey, Officer Jenkins."

"Shut up, Goodall."

"You can tell me to shut up all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you got the wrong monkey."

"Goddamn it, O'Malley, he's right. Uncuff Him."

"Eeee eee ah ah"

"Yeah yeah, ee ee ah ah to you too pal."

"Good day, Officers. I'll see myself out."

"Damnit Jenkins, we could have had him."

"You blew this case for us O'Malley. The Sergeant will have you badge for this."

"I just knew he was the one. I just knew it."

"Wait I have a call. Hello? What? He did? Well thanks. That was the Sergeant, O'Malley. A red assed baboon just confessed to the robbery."

"What?"

"Damnit O'Malley, Balestrero didn't have a red ass. Couldn't you have checked his ass?"

"I didn't think..."

"That's right. You didn't think."