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PATRIOT Act Of Love
Mar. 10th, 2014 05:39 pmHere, in January, I asked people to suggest play titles. Here on Livejournal, all year, I write those plays.
---
PATRIOT Act Of Love
GEORGE
RICHARD
(Lights up in a large office. George and Richard are sitting in front a large desk. They are already in deep conversation)
GEORGE: I just don't feel safe with you anymore.
RICHARD: Don't be like that.
GEORGE: No, you've shattered my trust.
RICHARD: I'll never let you down again. I've put it in writing.
GEORGE: What? Like a poem?
RICHARD: No. Better.
(RICHARD opens up his brief case and pulls out a huge, bound document)
RICHARD: This, George. This.
GEORGE: Is that... what I think it is?
RICHARD: I've been working on it for days.
GEORGE: (flipping through it) There's a whole section on trust.
RICHARD: On trust, on love, on commitment, on everything else we need to make this relationship work. I've spelled it out in minute detail so that everything would be clear. You'll always be able to feel safe from now on.
GEORGE: Richard, this is amazing.
RICHARD: I've worked on it with some lawyers and some relationship experts just to make sure everything is just right.
GEORGE: Wait, what's this? Weekly blood tests? Third party cavity searches? Shared email accounts and passwords?
RICHARD: We have nothing to hide from each other, so none of that will be a problem, right?
GEORGE: I just want to be able to trust your word.
RICHARD: You won't need to trust. This is better than trust. This is proof. You don't need to trust proof because... I mean, its proof.
GEORGE: Its sort of invasive...
RICHARD: Love is invasive.
GEORGE: Wait, there's a budget section...
RICHARD: Yes, for people to follow each of us around to make sure we're not doing anything wrong.
GEORGE: But I've not done anything wrong - only you...
RICHARD: My love, fair is fair. You'll know I'm behaving because you'll have exactly the same kind of eyes on your that I'll have on me. Every time you look up and see the spy cameras and microphones and crew personnel, you'll be reminded that I won't be able to get away with anything that you don't know about. You'll forgot they're there eventually, even though they'll be watching you all the time. It will be like Jersey Shore.
GEORGE: I like Jersey Shore.
RICHARD: It will be just like that except we'll only watch ourselves.
GEORGE: All right, I'll sign it.
RICHARD: You'll see. All this monitoring and probing and recording will make you feel more safe, and when you feel safe you'll feel more free. It just stands to reason.
GEORGE: I feel a lot better. How should we split the cost?
RICHARD: Oh, I'm not paying anything for it. You're the one who needs to feel trust.
GEORGE: Wait, what?
RICHARD: I'm comfortable feeling uncertain and being able to sneak around occasionally. I made this for you. For you to pay for. Its only fair.
GEORGE: That... I mean... it doesn't seem fair to me.
RICHARD: You could not pay it and then I could go back to doing whatever I want.
GEORGE: Oh... Well, I mean, in that case. I guess.
RICHARD: You won't regret this. Or, if you do, you'll have invested too much to worry about it.
GEORGE: I feel free-ish already.
(blackout)
---
PATRIOT Act Of Love
GEORGE
RICHARD
(Lights up in a large office. George and Richard are sitting in front a large desk. They are already in deep conversation)
GEORGE: I just don't feel safe with you anymore.
RICHARD: Don't be like that.
GEORGE: No, you've shattered my trust.
RICHARD: I'll never let you down again. I've put it in writing.
GEORGE: What? Like a poem?
RICHARD: No. Better.
(RICHARD opens up his brief case and pulls out a huge, bound document)
RICHARD: This, George. This.
GEORGE: Is that... what I think it is?
RICHARD: I've been working on it for days.
GEORGE: (flipping through it) There's a whole section on trust.
RICHARD: On trust, on love, on commitment, on everything else we need to make this relationship work. I've spelled it out in minute detail so that everything would be clear. You'll always be able to feel safe from now on.
GEORGE: Richard, this is amazing.
RICHARD: I've worked on it with some lawyers and some relationship experts just to make sure everything is just right.
GEORGE: Wait, what's this? Weekly blood tests? Third party cavity searches? Shared email accounts and passwords?
RICHARD: We have nothing to hide from each other, so none of that will be a problem, right?
GEORGE: I just want to be able to trust your word.
RICHARD: You won't need to trust. This is better than trust. This is proof. You don't need to trust proof because... I mean, its proof.
GEORGE: Its sort of invasive...
RICHARD: Love is invasive.
GEORGE: Wait, there's a budget section...
RICHARD: Yes, for people to follow each of us around to make sure we're not doing anything wrong.
GEORGE: But I've not done anything wrong - only you...
RICHARD: My love, fair is fair. You'll know I'm behaving because you'll have exactly the same kind of eyes on your that I'll have on me. Every time you look up and see the spy cameras and microphones and crew personnel, you'll be reminded that I won't be able to get away with anything that you don't know about. You'll forgot they're there eventually, even though they'll be watching you all the time. It will be like Jersey Shore.
GEORGE: I like Jersey Shore.
RICHARD: It will be just like that except we'll only watch ourselves.
GEORGE: All right, I'll sign it.
RICHARD: You'll see. All this monitoring and probing and recording will make you feel more safe, and when you feel safe you'll feel more free. It just stands to reason.
GEORGE: I feel a lot better. How should we split the cost?
RICHARD: Oh, I'm not paying anything for it. You're the one who needs to feel trust.
GEORGE: Wait, what?
RICHARD: I'm comfortable feeling uncertain and being able to sneak around occasionally. I made this for you. For you to pay for. Its only fair.
GEORGE: That... I mean... it doesn't seem fair to me.
RICHARD: You could not pay it and then I could go back to doing whatever I want.
GEORGE: Oh... Well, I mean, in that case. I guess.
RICHARD: You won't regret this. Or, if you do, you'll have invested too much to worry about it.
GEORGE: I feel free-ish already.
(blackout)
